Back to School Blues: Tips and Tricks for Helping Your Kids Study

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

With school being a few months in now, kids are back to doing homework and studying. The transition back into work from the fun of the summer can be tough. It can be hard for kids to switch back into having to do homework and focus on lessons throughout the day. It is important to make sure your kids are having an effective and productive study time.

Here are some helpful tips for any parents struggling to get their kids to complete homework assignments or study for tests/quizzes:

Eliminate any distractions

• Kids can be distracted by things in their environment such as toys, tv, music, siblings, electronic devices, etc. so it is important to make sure they have a clean and clear study space where they can just focus on the tasks at hand. It is also a good idea for kids to have a specific space where they do their homework preferably not in the same space as where they like to relax or go to sleep. It can be helpful and more motivating for kids to have a space that they can associate with being focused and working.

Break things up into smaller tasks

• It can be very overwhelming to cram a lot of work or studying into one session or night so make sure to break up the work. Break large tasks or assignments into smaller ones. It can help kids feel more accomplished by completing each smaller task rather than getting discouraged by a large task that takes a long time.

Create a schedule

• Creating a homework/study schedule can give kids more structure to their after-school time. They know when to start their homework, and when they can have breaks, have dinner, go to sleep, etc. Having a schedule can also help keep them focused and on the task at hand.

Take breaks

• It is so helpful to take breaks when it comes to maintaining focus. When we get tired or distracted, it probably means it is time to take a break. Maybe that means taking a break after a specific amount of time has passed or when a certain homework assignment or task is completed. It can be an opportunity for kids to have a reset and some time to recharge before getting back to it.

Have snacks and water

• As discussed above with taking breaks, it is also important that kids are not hungry or parched during their homework or studying time. Having snacks and water before studying (or during breaks) can help with focus and energy levels. Making sure kids are getting enough hours of sleep each night also helps with focus and energy.

Motivate and help when needed

• Parents are obviously a big factor when it comes to implementing productive study habits. Kids need help with encouragement and positive reinforcement from parents to help motivate them to maintain their hard work and habits. If kids are struggling, try to stay patient when it comes to helping them, or finding a tutor or teacher than can better guide them on how to solve the problems.

It is not always easy to get kids to study or do their homework, but it is important for parents to stay diligent and consistent with implementing these habits and tips. The more they do these tricks, the more natural it will become for them to continue doing them after school each day.

Navigating the Maze: Understanding High Functioning Anxiety

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

Anxiety is a common mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. While it manifests differently in each individual, there is an unofficial subtype often labeled as High Functioning Anxiety. So what is that exactly?

High functioning anxiety is not an officially recognized mental health diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). Instead, it's a term used to describe individuals who outwardly appear to have their lives together while silently battling persistent anxiety beneath the surface.

Some of the key characteristics of High Functioning Anxiety include:

• Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards for themselves, striving for flawlessness in every aspect of their lives.

• Overthinking: Constant overthinking and ruminating about past events or future scenarios.

• Procrastination: Ironically, some individuals with high functioning anxiety may procrastinate tasks due to the fear of not meeting their own high standards.

• Constant Worry: Excessive worrying, even about trivial matters, is common as well.

• Difficulty Relaxing: People with high functioning anxiety may find it challenging to relax or "switch off," always feeling the need to be productive or busy.

• Physical Symptoms: While not always present, physical symptoms like muscle tension, restlessness, and gastrointestinal issues are common too.

So how is it different from typical anxiety? The main difference between high functioning anxiety and typical anxiety is the ability to maintain a presence of “normal”. High functioning anxiety often goes unnoticed because individuals suffering from it have developed coping mechanisms to navigate daily life effectively. They may excel at work, maintain social relationships, and fulfill responsibilities, all while concealing their inner stress and anxiety. 

If you think you might suffer from this, here are some tips to help manage it better. 

• Self-awareness: Recognizing and accepting that you have high functioning anxiety is crucial. Understand that it's okay and often necessary to seek help and support.

• Therapy: A therapist can provide tools and strategies to cope with anxiety symptoms as well as navigate some of the underlying causes for your anxiety.

• Medication: Medication prescribed by a healthcare professional may be necessary and very helpful to alleviate anxiety symptoms - usually in conjunction with talk therapy.

• Self-care: Prioritize self-care activities such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and relaxation techniques as often as possible.

• Set realistic goals: Challenge the need for perfectionism and set achievable, reasonable goals for yourself. Practice self-compassion.

• Establish boundaries: Learn to say no when necessary. Setting healthy boundaries can prevent overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed.

• Seek support: Share your feelings with trusted friends or family members. Often, simply talking about your anxiety can provide some relief.

Breaking and Making Habits

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

With the start of the new year quickly approaching, many people often re-evaluate their habits and routines wishing to start the year off on the best foot. Breaking and making new habits can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It takes time to 1. Break a habit and then 2. Make a new habit because it takes a lot of effort to re-wire and re-train your brain to stop doing something to then start doing something else. This list of tips could potentially help with the process but do keep in mind that this is a process! Even if you make missteps along the way, that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on track and continue.

• Be patient: As stated above, this is a process. On average, it can take about two months to make a behavior a habit, so it can take even longer to break a habit to then create a new one.

• With that being said, Consistency is key: Take it day by day when it comes to creating your new routine. The more you do something, the more natural it will become with time. You will start doing that behavior without evening having to put much thought to it, meaning it became a habit and pattern.

• Don’t shame yourself: You might mess up and make mistakes along the way, but that is OKAY! It is normal to ebb and flow when it comes to breaking and making habits. Show yourself grace and compassion that this is not going to happen overnight and that is to be expected. The more you shame yourself, the more discouraged you are going to feel so remind yourself you are human; therefore, you are not perfect.

• Don’t take on too many changes at once: Take things one step at a time! Taking on too many habits and changes all at once, can be incredibly overwhelming leading to slipping into old habits and doing what feels easier. Taking on a few changes at once can give you more opportunity to focus your efforts more and stay consistent.

• Be mindful: There are a few elements when it comes to being mindful. First, when it comes to breaking a habit, try to identify your triggers and what contributes to you falling into those habits. Either eliminate those triggers or try to avoid them. If a trigger is unavoidable, being mindful of how you relate and react to the trigger. Replace the “old” habit or behavior with the habit you are trying to implement instead. This is easier said than done, but that is why being mindful and self-aware in those moments is beneficial. It helps slow you down so you can check in with yourself around your what you are doing.

• Incentivize yourself: When it comes to creating new habits, rewarding yourself can help your brain draw the connection between the behavior and pleasure. This can help encourage you to desire following through more with the habit when there is a positive correlation to it.

Healing Isn’t Linear

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

With the start of the new year I think there is often this pressure for people to reflect on what they did in the past year and how they want to be “better.” Now there isn’t anything inherently wrong with reflection and wanting to grow, in fact it’s a wonderful aspiration to have. I think sometimes though it doesn’t leave room for the idea that many things in life take more than a year to heal, process and move on from. And even when it is healed, there will always be difficult days or moments of struggle because healing isn’t a linear process.

Let's use asthma as a metaphor here. Typically, asthma is worse in the winter because the dry air can irritate the airways. Now in the summer someone’s asthma will still exist but perhaps isn’t as severe. Similarly, if someone with asthma is working out that could cause a flare up more than sitting on the couch. Now if we think about mental health this way, I think there is a lot more flexibility in the space and grace we can give ourselves to heal.

With trauma and mental health in general, there will be seasons of life where something is more triggering than other times in life. Let’s say for example someone has mostly processed a childhood trauma experience, but they get into a new relationship and their new partner does something that brings up feelings related to their initial trauma. There will be moments that people don’t feel fully healed anymore from that. It doesn’t undo all the work they’ve done, but it really drives home the point that healing isn’t linear. It is OKAY to have time periods that are more difficult than others. There are so many factors that contribute to having bad mental health, so next time you want to be mean to yourself practice reminding your brain that healing isn’t linear and bad days are all a part of the process.

Growing Your Self Awareness

By Michaela Choy, AMFT

This poem is a beautiful representation of how we grow and change. It acknowledges our pull to the familiar; we are patterned beings, the longer we’ve done something a certain way (manage conflict, date, etc.) the harder it feels to show up differently. And, good news, it’s also very possible to show up differently.

The path to growing our self awareness is winding and not linear. It’s common to have moments where you break harmful patterns and then moments of sticking to them. Just because you fall back into a pattern doesn’t mean you’ve regressed. It means that is a big pull for you that you will need to watch and take care of.

As we are confronted with our patterns, we build awareness of what we are doing. And we must give ourselves compassion in choosing the familiar path even when we see the alternatives. I have deep respect for where old patterns come from and how they’ve benefited us. At some point, your old pattern most likely served, protected, or helped you survive.

Too much compassion, however, can leave you stuck, so we must be accountable for our behavior. We must commit to building awareness of our patterns, find choice points, and do the newer, harder thing. When we deepen our self awareness, we must hold compassion AND accountability tightly.

The Process of Change in Therapy

By Michaela Choy, AMFT

As a therapist, I am in the business of change. Change takes many forms depending on who is pursuing this change. Clients bring a whole host of variables to the equation of change including learned behaviors and viewpoints from families of origin, unique belief systems, and significant life experiences. This list goes on. Whatever you bring to the table, will shape your path. Part of my work is to meet you where you’re at and use your strengths to promote change.

Often I’m asked how long the therapy process will take or what the roadmap of change looks like. I’ve found it helpful to discuss a few things (below) with my clients to set realistic expectations for them AND to expand their definition of change so they get the most out of this work.

It’s Messy

The preferred method of change is a map with check points and linear movement – once you’ve completed one task, it’s on to the next. You know you’ve made progress and know exactly where you’re headed next. And that’s very comforting. Change can happen like this, but in my experience, change tends to look much different. It’s messy. It’s not linear. When my clients experience new ways of being, responses and realizations are activated and new paths in the work are uncovered. Responding to what becomes activated for you makes the work rich and thorough, and this will help promote lasting change. Your responses are happening for a reason, and it’s best to honor them versus bulldozing past them. If not given the time and attention they need, they will pop up again.

It’s Gradual

One of my teachers explained the impact of small change over time. He used the metaphor of a boat changing its course by several degrees. At first it may not seem like much is happening, but over the long run, your boat’s course will look much different than its initial course. Even a small 2-degree change has big impact over time. Develop respect for this process. You may want faster results, we all do. But change is in fact happening.

The 80/20 Rule

Your commitment to the work is key. It’s going to be hard. If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be here. It takes persistence, curiosity, and effort outside of therapy. Many wonderful moments and realizations happen in therapy, and it’s the client’s responsibility to reflect on this work and experiment with these ideas outside of therapy. 80% of the work happens outside of the therapy room. 20% happens in the room.