Prioritizing Your Mental Health During the Holidays

By Nicole marino, amft

As we enter the winter months and into the holiday season, it is so important to make sure you are checking in with yourself around your mental well-being. The holiday season can evoke a wide range of emotions for people. While some look forward to celebrations, gatherings, and festive traditions, others may feel overwhelmed, anxious, or even lonely. It’s important to recognize that mental health is just as crucial during this time as it is any other, potentially even more so. Here are some strategies to help manage your mental health during the holidays.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s so important to acknowledge and sit in the emotions that come up for you during the holidays, even the more “negative” emotions. It's normal to experience a mix of joy and stress. Journaling, talking to someone you trust, or meditating can be helpful ways to process emotions and identify what’s weighing on your mind.

Set Realistic Expectations

Holidays often come with high expectations, whether it’s creating the perfect get-together, finding the ideal gifts, or maintaining traditions. Try to set realistic goals and be flexible with yourself and your situations. Remember that it’s okay for things to not be perfect (they’re not meant to be!). Simplifying your plans can lead to a more enjoyable and less stressful experience.

Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care is essential, especially during busy times. Carve out moments for yourself, whether that means enjoying a good book, going for a walk, or participating in your favorite hobby. Make a conscious effort to engage in activities that recharge your energy and bring you joy.

Reach Out for Support

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Talk to friends or family (anyone you trust) about how you’re feeling or consider seeking professional help if needed. Sometimes, simply sharing your thoughts can lighten the pressure and emotional burden. Remember, you’re not alone in this experience and others can relate!

Create New Traditions

If certain traditions are a source of stress or sadness, consider creating new ones. This can be an opportunity to adapt your celebrations to better fit your current feelings and circumstances. Finding what works for you can foster a sense of new beginnings.

Limit Social Media Exposure

Social media can amplify comparison. It’s easy to get caught up in the seemingly perfect lives of others. If you find yourself feeling down after scrolling, consider taking a break from social media during the holidays. Focus instead on real-life interactions and experiences. Focus on the things going on in your life that you are grateful for.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a strong tool during the holidays. Taking a few moments each day to practice deep breathing, meditation, or grounding techniques can help reduce stress and increase your overall well-being. Being present in the moment allows you to appreciate the little joys that the season brings.

Give Back

Engaging in acts of kindness or giving back to the community can provide a sense of purpose and connection. Volunteering your time or resources can remind you of the positive impact you can have on others!

While this season of time can bring a lot of joy and happiness, it can also take a toll on your mental health. By using these tips and reminders, you can better navigate the season ahead and know what is going to be best for you and your emotions. Ultimately, your mental health is the priority so the holidays can look however you want them to!

Family Boundaries During the Holidays

BY JESSY WESTON, AMFT

While the holidays can be a season filled with joy and celebration, it can also bring challenging feelings, situations, and conversations. The holidays are an important time to make sure we are setting healthy boundaries for ourselves and our families.

First, what are healthy boundaries? Brene Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, defines boundaries as simply “what’s ok and what’s not ok.” A boundary allows you to define what is acceptable to you within any relationship or situation. Its purpose is to protect both you and others involved. It’s also important to know that setting boundaries is not always easy. In fact, it takes significant intention and effort. It means changing or challenging something that has historically existed.

How to set boundaries:

1) Identify your limits

To start, you can ask yourself the question, “what’s ok with me and what’s not ok with me?” This question can be asked within several different realms including, emotional, physical, financial, mental, spiritual, etc. An example of an emotional boundary may be reminding yourself that your feelings are your own and that you are not responsible for others feelings. A physical boundary could be deciding where you want to spend the holidays, even if that is different from what has been done in the past. A mental boundary could be altering the story you tell yourself about what the holidays “should” look like. These are just a few examples as it can truly take any form that you may need.

2) Share expectations with friends and family members

“We have our own thoughts, and if we want others to know them, we must tell them.” (Dr. Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No)

This statement seems so simple, yet it’s normal for it to be difficult to put into practice. It is normal to assume that those who know us should automatically understand our boundaries. However, that is often not the case and it can be challenging to express our honest thoughts and feelings with those around us. We can practice sharing our expectations (both what we want and what we do not want) in a respectful way by being calm and direct. The key is to use “I” statements. For example:

• “I appreciate the invite to spend the holidays at your place this year. I need some time though to not travel this year and to spend a quieter holiday at home. I’d love to find a different way to spend time together.”

• “I always feel overwhelmed when planning the dinner for our large family gathering. Can you please help me plan it this year?”

• “I’m not comfortable talking about my dating life right now. I would really appreciate it if you did not ask about it again.”

• “I feel a bit annoyed and embarrassed when you make jokes like that. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making those kinds of jokes.”

3) Be compassionate towards yourself

It can be mentally and emotionally exhausting to maintain necessary boundaries. While people or situations may not always respect the boundaries you set, you did the best you could by advocating for yourself. It is important through it all to offer yourself kindness and compassion.

December Survival Guide

By Sasha Taskier, LMFT

As we begin to embark on the holiday season, many of us are both excited for the holidays and the New Year, and equally stressed out by the demands that seem to follow in tow. Between social engagements, complicated family dynamics and the financial stressors associated with gift giving and holiday spending - what is meant to be joyful and celebratory, often becomes stressful. I’ve put together a list of topics that tend to come up around this time for many of my clients, friends (& myself!), with some reflections and resources meant to help us better navigate this season with intention and peace.

Schedules

Somehow, it feels like between Thanksgiving and New Years, there are very few, free days and nights on the calendar. Either there are work deadlines that needs to be met, or every spare moment is dedicated to holiday parties, to meals with family and friends and travel. While in theory, many of these things are supposed to bring us joy (and they are all meant to be fun!), it can feel overwhelming.

● What can you say no to?

• In an ideal world we would all have the energy for the dinners, the work events, the cooking, the gift exchanges etc. etc. and that may be too much for some of us. What on your calendar can you say no to? Sending a simple message to the host, explaining that you are overwhelmed and need to cancel (but wish them well, and are thinking of them!), is important for your mental health and stress levels AND sets an example for healthy boundaries that everyone can benefit from during this season.

• This is phenomenal book on helping us to learn to say no to avoid burnout (and lots of other things!)

● Can I take time for myself?

• What does your work week look like? Can you reserve a night (or two?) for some necessary R&R? Perhaps blocking off a few hours over the weekend to relax, recharge and unplug. Maybe this means taking yourself to a movie, or ordering in dinner and eating in your pajamas. Whatever you need.

• If you are partnered, ask him or her to support you in this quest. Can they clean the house for you, or make you dinner? if you are co-parenting, can they occupy the child/ren for a few hours and allow you some quality time alone, or time with friends? Can you gift this to each other?

● Gratitude reframe: While this is all overwhelming, and it is important to honor your limits, a powerful reframe to this conundrum is to focus on how grateful you feel to have friends who invite you places and a community that wants you to be present and involved.

Family

As we’re all riding the coattails of Thanksgiving, it feels important to acknowledge the significant focus on family during this holiday season; it can feel incredibly complicated and charged for many of us. Perhaps there has been a recent loss in your family and that person’s absence is felt acutely; or, perhaps there has been tension and conflict in your family for a long time (for a myriad of reasons) and you are feeling especially anxious to leave your environment to enter theirs for the holidays.

Whatever the reason, this season can exacerbate some of these pain points. The juxtaposition of the ‘cheery, happy family’ expectation (and hope) over the holidays, can feel even more disappointing when it comes up against the reality of the ‘complicated, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes fighting, family.’ Each year many of us enter into the season wishing for an idealized version of our family, and each year, we are faced with the reality.

● Use Thanksgiving (and Holidays in years past) as helpful data

• Think back to last year, or even this most recent Thanksgiving. How did your family dynamics feel? What were your hopes and expectations going into the day, and what was it really like? Were there specific moments that felt / feel painful; why?

• Use your experience and reflections to help formulate a plan for what you might need. For example: Did you do better when you were helping in the kitchen - volunteer to cook something. Do you know you need a break in the middle of the day - offer to run an errand, or go for a walk!

● This was a fantastic conversation on the topic and a helpful resource. (You can listen to it too, via Kate Arends and Dr. Anna Roth)

● Gratitude reframe: No family is perfect, but it is true that some dynamics are much harder than others and there are some familial wounds that have yet to heal, and may never heal. I invite you to hold that truth, and practice gratitude for our family in whatever way you can. Perhaps it is gratitude for health, for presence, for a nostalgic meal; for the way our siblings can still make us laugh until we cry even as adults.

Financial Stressors & Gift giving

What is meant to be a season of gratitude, giving, peace and joy - has also turned (for many of us) into a consumerism bender. Many of us live in communities in which gift giving is a requisite and the financial expectations around the holidays can be especially stressful. Here are a few thoughts:

● Be intentional with the gifts you are buying

• Many of us already have so much more than we really need. It’s easy to feel stuck on the consumer treadmill that tells us we need new things and we need more of them, but I invite you to challenge that assumption.

• Between Thanksgiving and New Years, we will throw out an extra 25 million tons of garbage this year. (via Simply Zero)

• Can you gift experiences? Rather than gifting toys or things, could you gift someone an a shared memory? (for example, a trip to the Aquarium, or a concert to look forward to together.)

• Presence > Presents! Gift your family and friends opportunities to support each other (for example, babysitting coupons for your friends/family with kids; cooking a delicious meal for someone and sharing it together.)

• Give back.

■ We know that giving back is good for our communities, cities and the world, but it also is good for us. Consistent acts of giving back have been linked to less stress, higher self esteem, lower blood pressure, better mood and longer life expectancy. Win win!

■ In lieu of gifts, you could make a donation for each person in your circle to a cause that they are passionate about!

■ If you’re in Chicago, here is a great resource to find volunteer opportunities this season: Chicago Cares

Wintertime is hard!

On top of all of this, the days are short, the sun can be a bit elusive, and it’s cold outside! These conditions do not necessarily make it easier to keep a positive mindset. Be gentle with yourself and each other.

• Think Hygge / and this

• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression related to the seasons; read about it here; many find comfort in regular psychotherapy, and SAD lights.

• A helpful resource in choosing a ‘happy lamp’

• Get outside! Go for a walk - try to soak up the vitamin D available and get some fresh air when you can!

Wishing you all a restful and joyful holiday season.

Take care of yourselves and each other.