New Year, Same Me!

By Olivia Grossklaus, AMFT

While the idea of fresh starts and self-improvement is appealing as we move towards a new year, there’s often an underlying pressure to make resolutions that are big, bold, and transformative.

In the context of "New Year's resolution," a resolution refers to a commitment or decision made at the start of the new year to achieve a specific goal, improve a particular aspect of one's life, or adopt a new habit. However, the success of these resolutions can vary based on the clarity, feasibility, authenticity, and consistency of the goals set.

But why does creating resolutions at the New Year sometimes feel like such a daunting task?

Remaining Authentic

One of the biggest challenges of setting New Year's resolutions is the expectation of perfection. We often envision idealized versions of ourselves—someone who exercises every day, eats only healthy foods, reads a book a week, journals everyday etc. These goals are fantastic in theory, but they can quickly become overwhelming when we hold ourselves to an unrealistic standard that is likely misaligned with who we are authentically.

There’s also the tendency to compare ourselves to others. Social media can overwhelm us with success stories of people who have mastered the art of self-discipline or reinvented their lives “overnight”. This external pressure can make our own personal goals feel small, insignificant, or even unattainable. We feel like we "should" be doing more or achieving more, which only adds to the pressure and may cause us to veer further away from who we really are and what we really want.

Leave Room for Growth & Change

Setting resolutions is one thing; sticking to them over time may look entirely different. Life is unpredictable, and circumstances change. A goal that seemed achievable in the first few days of January can feel burdensome and irrelevant by February.

For many, this challenge is compounded by the fact that resolutions are often framed as all-or-nothing pursuits. If we slip up—whether it’s skipping a workout, missing a study session, or forgetting to journal a few days in a row —we feel like we’ve failed. This "black-and-white" thinking makes it harder to persevere when the going gets tough. The pressure to be perfect can lead to giving up entirely, rather than accepting that progress takes time and setbacks are normal. We as people grow and change over the course of the year, why can’t we allocate that same flexibility to our goals?

Wonderful Just The Way You Are

There’s an underlying cultural expectation that the New Year should be about self-improvement. Every year, we’re inundated with messages about becoming the "best version of yourself." This idea, while well-intentioned, often leads to feelings of inadequacy. It suggests that we’re not enough as we are and that we need to strive for constant improvement. This can leave us feeling like we’re perpetually "falling short" or never quite reaching our potential.

The focus on "better" also contributes to the fear of failure. If our resolution is about being more mindful, more successful, or more productive, it implies that the version of us before the New Year wasn’t good enough. The pressure to change, to be "better," can be exhausting and demotivating, especially if we don’t feel like we’ve made much progress.

Setting Mindful Resolutions

If the pressures of New Year’s resolutions feel overwhelming, it may help to reframe the way you approach them. Here are a few strategies to make resolutions feel less like a burden and more like an opportunity for growth:

1. Set Small, Manageable Goals: Break your resolutions into smaller, actionable steps. Focus on progress, not perfection. Small wins can add up over time, and they’re much more sustainable than trying to overhaul your entire life in one go.

2. Be Flexible: Life is unpredictable, and things won’t always go according to plan. If you miss a workout or a deadline, don’t throw your resolution out the window. Accept that setbacks are part of the journey, and adjust your goals as needed.

3. Focus on Well-Being: Instead of focusing solely on external markers of success—like getting promoted or writing a book—consider resolutions that support your mental and emotional health. A resolution to practice self-compassion, prioritize rest, or spend more time with loved ones can be just as impactful as any professional goal.

4. Embrace Authenticity: Instead of trying to become a "better" version of yourself, try focusing on becoming a more authentic version of yourself. Embrace where you are right now, and aim for growth from a place of self-acceptance, not self-criticism. It may even help to reframe “resolutions” to New Years “Suggestions” or decide not to set any at all.

5. Give Yourself Time: Remember that resolutions don’t need to be completed by December 31st, and new resolutions can be set later in the year, not only in the first week of January. It’s okay if progress takes longer than expected. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, and sometimes, the most meaningful changes happen gradually.

As we enter the new year, it’s easy to forget that we’re not starting with a blank slate. The demands of everyday life—work, family, social obligations—don’t pause just because the calendar flips. Trying to juggle new goals while keeping up with existing responsibilities can feel like a juggling act that’s bound to fall apart. By merely being kinder to ourselves we can navigate the new year with a sense of purpose, flexibility, authenticity, and self-compassion.

As you step into the new year, remember: it's okay not to have everything figured out. What's important is that you're moving forward, one small step at a time.

Nurturing Mental Health Through New Year's Resolutions

By Megan Allcock, LMFT

As the calendar restarts, many people embark on the journey of setting New Year's resolutions. While common goals often revolve around fitness, career, or personal development, it's crucial not to overlook the importance of mental health in this pursuit of self-improvement.New Year's resolutions are typically associated with tangible, measurable goals. However, taking care of one's mental well-being is equally important, if not more so. 

When setting goals it’s important to be realistic in what you can achieve. Think about the values you hold that can influence your resolution choices. Try to avoid overwhelming yourself with a long list and instead focus on a few key areas that will contribute to a more positive life. Below are a couple of suggestions for mental health goals and resolutions. 

Prioritize Self-Care:

Incorporate self-care practices into your daily routine. Whether it's meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a break to enjoy a cup of tea, these moments of self-care can significantly contribute to your mental well-being.

Establishing Boundaries:

Learn to say no and set healthy boundaries. Overcommitting and stretching yourself too thin can lead to stress and burnout. By establishing boundaries, you protect your mental and emotional space.

Cultivate Positive Habits:

Integrate habits that promote mental well-being. This could include regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep. These lifestyle factors play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy mind.

Seek Support:

Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or professional support if needed. Discussing your goals and challenges with others can provide valuable insights and emotional support.

Embrace Flexibility:

Life is unpredictable, and setbacks are a natural part of any journey. Embrace flexibility in your resolutions, understanding that adjustments may be necessary. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge progress, no matter how small.

As the year progresses, take time to reflect on your journey. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor, and learn from challenges. This reflective process can enhance self-awareness and contribute to a positive mindset.

In the pursuit of New Year's resolutions, let's not forget the importance of nurturing our mental health. A holistic approach to self-improvement encompasses both tangible goals and the well-being of our minds. By incorporating mindful goal setting, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support when needed, we can create a positive and sustainable path toward a healthier, happier life in the coming years.

Breaking and Making Habits

By Nicole Marino, AMFT

With the start of the new year quickly approaching, many people often re-evaluate their habits and routines wishing to start the year off on the best foot. Breaking and making new habits can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It takes time to 1. Break a habit and then 2. Make a new habit because it takes a lot of effort to re-wire and re-train your brain to stop doing something to then start doing something else. This list of tips could potentially help with the process but do keep in mind that this is a process! Even if you make missteps along the way, that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on track and continue.

  • Be patient: As stated above, this is a process. On average, it can take about two months to make a behavior a habit, so it can take even longer to break a habit to then create a new one.

  • With that being said, Consistency is key: Take it day by day when it comes to creating your new routine. The more you do something, the more natural it will become with time. You will start doing that behavior without evening having to put much thought to it, meaning it became a habit and pattern.

  • Don’t shame yourself: You might mess up and make mistakes along the way, but that is OKAY! It is normal to ebb and flow when it comes to breaking and making habits. Show yourself grace and compassion that this is not going to happen overnight and that is to be expected. The more you shame yourself, the more discouraged you are going to feel so remind yourself you are human; therefore, you are not perfect.

  • Don’t take on too many changes at once: Take things one step at a time! Taking on too many habits and changes all at once, can be incredibly overwhelming leading to slipping into old habits and doing what feels easier. Taking on a few changes at once can give you more opportunity to focus your efforts more and stay consistent.

  • Be mindful: There are a few elements when it comes to being mindful. First, when it comes to breaking a habit, try to identify your triggers and what contributes to you falling into those habits. Either eliminate those triggers or try to avoid them. If a trigger is unavoidable, being mindful of how you relate and react to the trigger. Replace the “old” habit or behavior with the habit you are trying to implement instead. This is easier said than done, but that is why being mindful and self-aware in those moments is beneficial. It helps slow you down so you can check in with yourself around your what you are doing.

  • Incentivize yourself: When it comes to creating new habits, rewarding yourself can help your brain draw the connection between the behavior and pleasure. This can help encourage you to desire following through more with the habit when there is a positive correlation to it.


Healing Isn’t Linear

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

With the start of the new year I think there is often this pressure for people to reflect on what they did in the past year and how they want to be “better.” Now there isn’t anything inherently wrong with reflection and wanting to grow, in fact it’s a wonderful aspiration to have. I think sometimes though it doesn’t leave room for the idea that many things in life take more than a year to heal, process and move on from. And even when it is healed, there will always be difficult days or moments of struggle because healing isn’t a linear process.

Let's use asthma as a metaphor here. Typically, asthma is worse in the winter because the dry air can irritate the airways. Now in the summer someone’s asthma will still exist but perhaps isn’t as severe. Similarly, if someone with asthma is working out that could cause a flare up more than sitting on the couch. Now if we think about mental health this way, I think there is a lot more flexibility in the space and grace we can give ourselves to heal.

With trauma and mental health in general, there will be seasons of life where something is more triggering than other times in life. Let’s say for example someone has mostly processed a childhood trauma experience, but they get into a new relationship and their new partner does something that brings up feelings related to their initial trauma. There will be moments that people don’t feel fully healed anymore from that. It doesn’t undo all the work they’ve done, but it really drives home the point that healing isn’t linear. It is OKAY to have time periods that are more difficult than others. There are so many factors that contribute to having bad mental health, so next time you want to be mean to yourself practice reminding your brain that healing isn’t linear and bad days are all a part of the process.

No More New Year, New You.

By Rachel D. Miller, AMFT

By Rachel D. Miller, AMFT

January is somehow already upon us. And while the world we are inhabiting presently is different in many ways, some things do not seem to be changing in 2021. Just like in Januarys of old, our social media feeds and inboxes are currently flooded with all kinds of “New year, new you” messages. Everything from fad diets and must-have “nutritional” supplements to gym membership, meal delivery plans, and home workout equipment deals are being splashed across our television screens. We are constantly bombarded with ideas about what our bodies are supposed to look like and what is healthy, continually shamed into restricting our eating and manipulating our bodies into society’s current standards of acceptability and beauty.

These standards ensure that every January people jump to set unrealistic and unsustainable goals around losing weight, exercising, and/or dieting that often leave them disheartened and feeling things like guilt, shame, disgust, and despair by the end of the month. To make it all the more demoralizing, this cycle can lead to a lifetime of disordered eating and other health issues and ensures that we continue to line the pockets of what Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski call, The Bikini-Industrial Complex, This is the term they use to describe “the $100 billion cluster of businesses that profit by setting an unachievable “aspirational ideal,” convincing us that we can and should — indeed we must — conform with the ideal, and then selling us ineffective but plausible strategies for achieving that ideal.”

What if we did something different this year? What if we place the focus on loving and accepting our bodies as they are? And recognizing that food is not good or bad, nor is it the enemy? What if we unlearn the idea that health is dictated by a number on the scale? (Spoiler alert. It’s not. You can learn all about this lie via the resources below) What if radical self-love, acceptance, and compassion were the resolutions and goals we gave our time energy and money to? Do you think, maybe, just maybe, these might prove more helpful in supporting your overall well-being? I suspect they might. If you’re ready to start this new year differently, you’ll find some resources below.

Books

Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth about your Weight by Lindo Bacon

The Body is Not and Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor

Intuitive Eating, 4th Edition: A Revolutionary Anti-Diet Approach by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole

Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are by Hillary L. McBride and Rumani S. Durvasula, PhD.

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff

Radical Compassion: Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN by Tara Brach

Podcasts

The Feminist Survival Project 2020: Episode 41: The Bikini-Industrial Complex

Food Psych Podcast with Christy Harrison

The Soul Science Nutrition Podcast: The Problem is in the Culture Not Your Body- Interview with Lindo Bacon, PhD

Websites

Self-Compassion by Dr Kristin Neff

Health at Every Size

The Original Intuitive Eating Pros

Christy Harrison- Intuitive Eating Coach and Anti-Diet Nutritionist