So you’ve developed some social anxiety during the pandemic? Now what?

By Megan Allcock, AMFT

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, social anxiety disorder is a mental illness characterized by an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear makes it difficult to work, hangout with friends and generally function in a “normal” way. While not everyone is diagnosable, there are plenty of people who identify with certain characteristics of this mental illness.

For the past 16 months everyone’s social interactions have been limited. Whether you have been completely isolated, or had minimal interactions with friends, family, or coworkers no one has been living a completely normal social life.

As I sit with clients week after week I have noticed some common themes come up for everyone. First, saying yes to any and all plans offered. Before the pandemic people felt they could more freely choose when they wanted to socialize and when they wanted to have alone time. Now, many people are feeling such a draw to say yes because they have been lacking for so long.

I recommend thinking about how much time you would like to spend doing particular things in your life. Break it down into hours or percentages or whatever works for you. Take into account the things you MUST do each week such as work, exercise, sleep, eating, etc. And then figure out how much time you realistically have for “free” activities. Next, consider how much of that free time you want to spend by yourself and how much you want to spend with others. Having a clear idea of your priorities will help you make more informed decisions.

Second, people are feeling completely depleted from the new expectations being set. We have adapted in the past year to spending time alone, or with very few people. Now many of us are expected to be at the office, then attend happy hours, and have plans during the weekend. We have weddings to make up for, birthdays, etc. It can all start to feel so overwhelming.

Start by practicing saying NO because you are not obligated to say yes to anyone except yourself. If you want to go out to dinner with that friend, then do. If you want to sit at home and read a book alone, then do that instead. The opportunity to go out to dinner with a friend will always be present. Make the choices that work for YOU, not everyone else.

Another theme I’ve seen a lot is the anxiety associated with returning to work. Some people have loved working from home and adjusted to the ability to do laundry or other house chores while working. As businesses start opening and return to offices starts up I have notices a spike in anxiety. There are so many reasons this anxiety may be spiking for you. Some things I recommend to help ease that a bit is setting boundaries for yourself and communicating with your boss effectively.

Pay attention to the parts of working from home that worked for you and try to see how you can implement some of those while being in the office. If that means bringing some comfort items in such as your favorite mug or blanket, do it! Having a serious conversation with your boss or supervisor about how working from home impacted your mental health could also be an important step. Ask if you could have a hybrid work option. Remember that the only person who will advocate for your needs is YOU.

Overall, give yourself some grace because this is a big adjustment period. There has been so much change in the past 16 months and although there is a lot of excitement about seeing people, it also comes with a cost. Be kind to yourself when it feels a little awkward. Be kind to yourself when you’re not in the mood to go out. Remember you are rebuilding a muscle. When a person trains for a marathon they don’t start by running all 26.2 miles immediately, they have to build up slowly. This concept applies for you building your social muscle back. It will take time for you to be able to be social the way you used to be (if you even want to go back to that) and that is OKAY.