Strategies to Move Through a Breakup
/By Michaela Choy, AMFT
Around Valentine’s Day, I’m reminded of beautiful ways we can honor our loving relationships, and I’m mindful of those who feel alone and hurt – particularly those who have recently ended relationships. Breakups are profoundly painful phases that drain our emotional and physical states, and they will most likely impact you at one point or another. The following list includes strategies to implement at any point during a breakup process. Incorporating some of these ideas will restore your energy and help you create a new normal.
1. Kindness
Do one good thing for yourself each day. This can range from a small gesture of kindness to something larger. Getting a special coffee from your favorite coffee shop, cooking yourself a nourishing and delicious meal, going to the movies, or getting a massage are some examples.
2. Connect with Your Greatest Support Systems
Set up time to see friends or family and schedule at least one or two of these get-togethers each week. This can be helpful for a few reasons. One, surrounding yourself with supportive connection can feel healing. Two, it gives you some structure in the week and forces you to get out into the world. There are open pockets of time that you and your past partner once spent together, and this is one way to fill that time meaningfully. If family and friends are far away, consider setting up phone calls or trips to see them.
3. Reflection
At times, you may want to create a list of reasons why the relationship didn’t serve you. Be honest with yourself about the ways this relationship impacted you. It’s normal to think of both good and bad impact.
If you are ready to take a step further in your reflection, notice the ratio of good to bad. Ask yourself if you had awareness of this picture while you were in this relationship and begin think of ways you can you build greater awareness going into your next relationship.
Reflection with this list can be particularly helpful if you hoping to get back together or stay apart.
4. Physical Movement
Go for a walk or try a new workout class. Joining a sports league or a weekly fitness class can not only help your body feel better but also add structure to your routine.
5. Distraction
Create a list of go-to, feel-good things when you have inevitable moments of emptiness. Think of activities you can do when you’re alone and activities you can do with friends or family. Moments of intense loneliness and pain can appear out of nowhere. A premeditated list of activities will give you options in moments where your thought energy is lacking.